The Best Christmas Gift? Low or No Expectations.

“Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.” -Brandon Sanderson, American sci-fi author

What are you expecting to happen as we enter into these coming holidays and holy days filled with so much anticipation and expectations.  How hard are you hanging to your expectations? 

As in “This is what I want to happen.” As in “If this does not happen I will be sad/disappointed/angry/hurt.”  As in the days of old when we were children and after we finished ripping all the wrapping paper off the boxes scattered under the tree, we did not get the gift we hoped for and we were so disappointed.  All that hype and all that anticipation and all those letters to Santa and yet…the expectations we expected to be met were not.

I know I always have to try and let go of my holiday expectations come late December, because if I am not careful I will set myself up for hurt because, you see….my family is not all happy or my family can’t get together because everyone’s schedule is so crazy or I wish I was dating someone right now because that would make Christmas amazing or why can’t I be joyful at Christmas like all those actors in the TV commercials?

Actually, to kill holiday joy or be a killjoy, just do this. Let your expectations rule your heart with no room for serendipity or change or surprise. I know that is always my temptation this time of year. To build it all up and then to expect so, so much. Too much.  

Which is kind of ironic considering that in my faith tradition of Christianity, at the center of our Christmas story is a teenage mom unexpectedly expecting a baby.  Mary, nervously watched over by carpenter dad and first time father Joseph. They were a new family that expected to find a nice room at the Holiday Inn but then had to settle for a drafty room at Motel 6 on the outskirts of Bethlehem.

Joseph expected to have an old fashioned long engagement and to Mary, but the Holy Spirit had other plans.  Expectations not met. The expectations that the one who would come to save his people would be a warrior king, or a triumphant leader of the masses and yet, who actually showed up? A fragile newborn, Jesus. Vulnerable, innocent, completely dependent on his earthy parents for safety and sustenance.

All those worldly expectations dashed. Denied. Expectations turned upside down.  Thwarted.  Like that gift we so coveted but did not receive.

Some things at Christmas and New Years never change I suppose. Expectations can drive us crazy and yes, even break our hearts. That is unless we choose to instead let go of our holiday expectations and let this life unfold as it unfolds. Or as folks in 12 step groups attempt to practice: “Live life on life’s terms.” 

Go into holiday gatherings and holiday gift giving and holiday table seating with no expectations save for….”I wonder what the season has in store for me.”  To let go of expectations means we embrace the now, the what, not the what if. To let go of expectations is to be thankful and to thank God for the simplest of gifts: being loved and loving others.  Having enough food on the table.  A warm bed to sleep in under a roof of safety.  A religious story to live by. A faith community to return home too.

All I want for this holiday is an abundance of trust in whatever may come my way in the next 12 days or so and to let go of any expectations I might be hanging on to for dear life. That’s the gift I hope I will find waiting for me under the tree: few or maybe even no expectations.  Then anything and everything is possible.

Happy holidays and happy holy days, and a blessed New Year too!

(The views expressed in this essay do not necessarily reflect the views of the people and church I serve nor the United Church of Christ.)

The Reverend John F. Hudson is Senior Pastor of the Pilgrim Church, United Church of Christ, in Sherborn, Massachusetts (pilgrimsherborn.org). He blogs at sherbornpastor.blogspot.com and is a resident scholar at the Collegeville Institute at Saint John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota. For twenty-five years he was a columnist whose essays appeared in newspapers throughout Massachusetts and Rhode Island. He has served churches in New England since 1989. For comments, please be in touch: pastorjohn@pilgrimsherborn.org.

 

 

The Mixed Blessing That Is The Holidays

"I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams."  --1943, composed by Gannon, Kent, and Ram

It is the cheesiest of cheesy Christmas kitsch, and oh my goodness, do I still love it and yes, I still drag it out for display every single December. 

In 2007 for the holidays our office staff decided to hold a Secret Santa to mark the holidays. You pick a name and buy that person a gift, which they receive anonymously, until your true identity is revealed.

So, we selected names, and then went forth to buy our gifts, and all for the agreed upon price of $15 or less. I went to Filene’s Basement and found a plastic snow globe, which featured a choir of singers contained under that dome. When you pushed the bright yellow button on the front, it warbled the electronic tune of “Angels We Have Heard on High” while fake styrofoam snow was blown within the globe, all accompanied by the mechanical whir of a battery driven motor.

Ho, ho, ho!

Jose, who was the church’s administrator and my holiday gifting victim (all the other gifts were tasteful and appropriate) accepted my offering with grace and kindness. “Thank you!” she said, while the other folks just groaned at my Christmas faux pas.

Every year afterwards, we’d have a good laugh when she pulled the globe out of storage and put it on her desk for all to see.  And to push the button of course. It was a hit, especially with younger kids who loved to watch the snow, snow, and listen to the music. Through the years the motors begun to falter and the music is slower but 18 Christmases later, it still works.

Now I have it in my office.

You see in 2019 Jose died away from lung cancer. I worked with her for eleven years, saw her almost every single workday, and was so blessed not just by her competence but even more so by her love and friendship. She was a good soul. Now every Christmastime when I look at that tacky priceless snow globe, I always remember Jose. 

I thank God I got to know her and that makes me happy.  And I’m sad too because it is another holiday that she is gone. I still miss her. Alot.

This dichotomy of sadness and joy, of memory and loss, of getting excited for the holidays while perhaps also kind of dreading the holidays: it’s pretty common in our world. It may not be very visible, this Christmas melancholy you might call it.  After all…

IT’S THE HOLIDAYS, AND AT THE HOLIDAYS WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE VERY VERY VERY VERY HAPPY!!!!

No Grinches, no Scrooges or long suffering Bob Cratchetts allowed.  At least that’s what the commercials and the Christmas Industrial Complex tells and sells us.  Have a holy jolly Christmas, it’s the best time of the year!

And so….

It’s a wonderful holiday because there is a new baby in the family and it is a tough Christmas because we miss someone who isn’t at the dinner table on the 25^th anymore.  It is a beautiful season because those who are religious remember and tell again of Christ’s birth or mark Hannukah with gifts and candles every night. But then it’s tough. Mom’s not here this year because she’s in a nursing home. Sis is struggling to find a job. 

Those of us in the Christian tradition certainly know the story of these holy days is very mixed. No room at the Inn for an unwed teenage mom and nervous apprentice carpenter dad. Just days after his birth, this infant’s very life is threatened because a power hungry narcissistic king is out to get him. And all because this little baby one day would grow up and teach the world to love unconditionally and to welcome the stranger, the orphan, and the widow. 

Crazy kings then. Crazy kings now.

Yes, holidays and holy days are sometimes beautiful and difficult and all at the same time. So, may God bless us all in this holy season with a spirit of gentleness, kindness, and mercy.

For ourselves, others, and the world. 

(The views expressed in this essay do not necessarily reflect the views of the people and church I serve nor the United Church of Christ.)

The Reverend John F. Hudson is Senior Pastor of the Pilgrim Church, United Church of Christ, in Sherborn, Massachusetts (pilgrimsherborn.org). He blogs at sherbornpastor.blogspot.com and is a resident scholar at the Collegeville Institute at Saint John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota. For twenty-five years he was a columnist whose essays appeared in newspapers throughout Massachusetts and Rhode Island. He has served churches in New England since 1989. For comments, please be in touch: pastorjohn@pilgrimsherborn.org.