“Do nothing, and
nothing happens. Life is about decisions. You either make them or they're made
for you, but you can't avoid them.” --Mhairi
McFarlane
This is the year I really want to do it. Really will
do it. No. REALLY! I’m serious.
I am absolutely going to…lose twenty pounds…go to the gym three
times a week…pray each day…find a life partner…quit smoking or alcohol or
drugs…switch careers…end a relationship…mend a hurt…forgive an enemy…live a
life different than the one I want to leave behind in 2015. Sound familiar? It should. We are in the
season of resolution making and, also, resolution breaking. Just days ago the odds are almost fifty
percent, that you and I, many of us, made New Years’ resolutions. Drew up a ‘to do” (or “not to do”) list with
pencil and paper or on our computer or smart phone.
So…how’s that going?
If you are like most folks, probably not so great. According to a study published in the University of Scranton’s Journal of Clinical
Psychology, 45 percent of Americans made New Years’ resolutions, to change a
behavior or habit, in the next 51 weeks.
Yet the same study also reports that the long term success rate for
major life changes like these is about eight
percent. Need proof? Check out the
overflowing parking lot at any local gym.
In a matter of weeks there will be plenty of spaces to pull in to, but
right now the place is packed.
Alcoholics Anonymous? The rooms are full. Dating sites? Record numbers
of new subscriptions. Diet books are flying off the shelves too, along with nicotine
gum and patches to help smokers, who are desperately hankering for a butt.
For those of us resolved to change, our hearts are certainly
in the right place. Ask someone who’s
hooked on a substance (food, alcohol, pills, booze, cigarettes, etc.) if they
are aware that what they are doing is unhealthy, and guaranteed most will say,
“Yes!” The hard part of personal change isn’t making the resolution. It’s doing
the resolution, keeping the resolution, and perhaps most important, making a
final decision to stop or to start or to begin or to end. I know this because I am one of those sad
sacks who have gone into many Januarys with the sincerest of resolve, only to
fail days or weeks later.
But if we are still ready and willing to try and make the
change, whatever that might be, here are some hopes and ideas to consider. First, remember that change is often hard,
very hard. Pushing back against our human
will to change is something scientists call homeostasis: the force which
underlies all of our behavior, the urge to perpetually return to the status
quo, the familiar, the comfortable, regardless of whether or not it is “good”
for us.
Netflix and ice cream or a chilly car ride and the treadmill?
A long drag off a familiar cigarette or tenaciously waiting until the itch to
light up passes? That second glass of
wine or a seltzer instead? Another Saturday night at home alone or diving into
singles night at the local tavern? Always, our habits will call out to us to
come home. To do the same old, same old. Still want to change? Then steel
yourself. Expect it to be
difficult. If you are a person of faith,
ask God into that struggle too to give you the power to change.
And then make the decision.
Choose to change. Decide.
We can buy all the self-help books we want, attend all the
support classes we desire, use intricate strategies and tricks to help us
change, but finally people change when they decide to change. One of the
greatest of God given gifts is human free will.
God does not make us puppets, tugged along by some unseen Divine
strings. God does not throw us into the winds of so called fate or fatalism.
God does not play dice with our lives. God does
instead give us life and then empowers us to make decisions both large and
small about how we will live each and every day.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Once you make a decision, the
universe conspires to make it happen.”
That I do believe. So in this
relatively new New Year, let’s all confess.
We each know the ways that we need to change. We know it will probably
be hard: take commitment, discipline, the support of others and the support of
God. Change beckons.
The decision? That, my fellow change seekers, is ours’ alone
to make.
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