--"A Christmas
Carol", Charles Dickens, 1843
A few weeks ago I was in a local downtown on a frenetic
Friday afternoon, the first Friday of the holiday shopping season. After
fifteen frustrating minutes of driving in circles, I finally spied a perfect
parking spot. BOO-YAH! And it was right
in front of my destination! I zipped my tiny subcompact Honda in just so, only
to realize I had cut off a woman in a big huge SUV; she'd been waiting to park in
the same space. I hadn't seen her. I stole her coveted place. She angrily backed
her car up, really fast, to another spot.
"She's probably ready to go all road rage on me,"
I thought, "maybe even turn around and plow right over my diminutive
little car!" I imagined newspaper headlines,
leads on the 11 o'clock news. LOCAL PASTOR ASSAULTED BY IRATE DRIVER! ANNOYING
CLOWN CAR CRUSHED BY LAND YACHT!
I exited my car to find her, only to see a seething visage
behind a tightly closed window. She was not
happy. I smiled. She lowered the barrier between us and before she could say
anything, I apologized. "Oh boy, I
am so sorry! I had no idea that you were waiting--I didn't see you...that was incredibly
rude of me! SORRY!" Her scowl melted into a grin. She shrugged. We laughed.
"Don't worry about it," she said. "No harm."
A hard outcome averted.
That's what can happen when we humans soften our hearts
instead of acting hard of heart. I could
have easily walked away, even done a little parking space victory dance! It all depended upon whether or not I chose
to be hard or soft in the moment. Cruel
or kind. Unthinking or thoughtful.
I'm no saint. I can
be as quick and cutting as anyone else but lately, in seeing how hard our world
has become, I want to be a softer person in 2018. Softer. Soft of heart. Quick to forgive and also accept responsibility
when I am wrong. Less focused on winning;
more focused on living well with others. Wiser in knowing when to just keep my
mouth shut, zip it, when tempted to retort with a snarky comeback.
It's sobering to realize how much more compassionate our
collective life could be on earth if we
were less like Scrooge and more like Santa. Live with an open heart, and not
close our hearts: all to protect egos or gain the upper hand or get our backs
up or be "right", comity and community be damned.
To be soft. To be hard.
How will we live in the new year?
Because we are living in hard times. When our government swiftly
passes a $1.5 trillion tax cut but can't find a place in its heart to fully
fund the Children's Health Insurance Program, that provides health care for 9
million kids in the United
States. Couldn't find disaster relief funds
either, for Puerto Rico, Texas,
California or Florida.
Am I the only one who sees Scrooge in this hard hearted neglect?
Hard times: as social media overflows with vitriol and
vexation, political diatribes and partisan squabbling. That's life in cyberspace so often: hard.
Mean. Sharp. Where kids get bullied and
folks get shamed and the worst of humanity pops up on a newsfeed or is tweeted
out by "adults" acting like petulant toddlers.
I'm not quite sure how we got to be so hard in our
world. Fear makes us hard. Fear of "the other", of rapid
social change, of the future. Fear that there
isn't "enough" for me--like a parking space. Leadership matters. Hard hearted leaders inspire hard hearted
followers. Greatness trumps goodness.
These days it can be hard not to be hard. But always,
we choose.
So here's a resolution for 2018: soften up. Soften your heart. Open your hands. Look for the best in others. Remember we are all in this life together and
when we are soft with each other, the journey is always better. God knows we all need a little mercy, even
when we steal a parking spot.
Scrooge had a change of heart by the end of "A
Christmas Carol". "[Scrooge] became as good a friend, as good a
master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old
city, town, or borough, in the good old world. His own heart laughed: and that
was quite enough for him."
May God bless us, everyone, in 2018: with soft hearts for a
hard world.
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