What are you expecting to happen as we enter into these coming holidays and holy days filled with so much anticipation and expectations. How hard are you hanging to your expectations?
As in “This is what I want to happen.” As in “If this does not happen I will be sad/disappointed/angry/hurt.” As in the days of old when we were children and after we finished ripping all the wrapping paper off the boxes scattered under the tree, we did not get the gift we hoped for and we were so disappointed. All that hype and all that anticipation and all those letters to Santa and yet…the expectations we expected to be met were not.
I know I always have to try and let go of my holiday expectations come late December, because if I am not careful I will set myself up for hurt because, you see….my family is not all happy or my family can’t get together because everyone’s schedule is so crazy or I wish I was dating someone right now because that would make Christmas amazing or why can’t I be joyful at Christmas like all those actors in the TV commercials?
Actually, to kill holiday joy or be a killjoy, just do this. Let your expectations rule your heart with no room for serendipity or change or surprise. I know that is always my temptation this time of year. To build it all up and then to expect so, so much. Too much.
Which is kind of ironic considering that in my faith tradition of Christianity, at the center of our Christmas story is a teenage mom unexpectedly expecting a baby. Mary, nervously watched over by carpenter dad and first time father Joseph. They were a new family that expected to find a nice room at the Holiday Inn but then had to settle for a drafty room at Motel 6 on the outskirts of Bethlehem.
Joseph expected to have an old fashioned long engagement and to Mary, but the Holy Spirit had other plans. Expectations not met. The expectations that the one who would come to save his people would be a warrior king, or a triumphant leader of the masses and yet, who actually showed up? A fragile newborn, Jesus. Vulnerable, innocent, completely dependent on his earthy parents for safety and sustenance.
All those worldly expectations dashed. Denied. Expectations turned upside down. Thwarted. Like that gift we so coveted but did not receive.
Some things at Christmas and New Years never change I suppose. Expectations can drive us crazy and yes, even break our hearts. That is unless we choose to instead let go of our holiday expectations and let this life unfold as it unfolds. Or as folks in 12 step groups attempt to practice: “Live life on life’s terms.”
Go into holiday gatherings and holiday gift giving and holiday table seating with no expectations save for….”I wonder what the season has in store for me.” To let go of expectations means we embrace the now, the what, not the what if. To let go of expectations is to be thankful and to thank God for the simplest of gifts: being loved and loving others. Having enough food on the table. A warm bed to sleep in under a roof of safety. A religious story to live by. A faith community to return home too.
All I want for this holiday is an abundance of trust in whatever may come my way in the next 12 days or so and to let go of any expectations I might be hanging on to for dear life. That’s the gift I hope I will find waiting for me under the tree: few or maybe even no expectations. Then anything and everything is possible.
Happy holidays and happy holy days, and a blessed New Year too!
(The views expressed in this essay do not necessarily reflect the views of the people and church I serve nor the United Church of Christ.)
The Reverend John F. Hudson is Senior Pastor of the Pilgrim Church, United Church of Christ, in Sherborn, Massachusetts (pilgrimsherborn.org). He blogs at sherbornpastor.blogspot.com and is a resident scholar at the Collegeville Institute at Saint John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota. For twenty-five years he was a columnist whose essays appeared in newspapers throughout Massachusetts and Rhode Island. He has served churches in New England since 1989. For comments, please be in touch: pastorjohn@pilgrimsherborn.org.
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