People are willing to
go to extremes for the cheesy taste of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese--you know you
love it!
--from a 2014 television
commercial
This is how I best enjoy my day-glow orange Kraft Macaroni
and Cheese. Hot off the stove and then spooned into a waiting bowl, wafts of
pungent cheesy steam still rising off a pile of pasta, cooked al dente.
That’s right. My name’s John. I’m 54 years old and still,
occasionally, four or five times a year, I eat Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Have enjoyed
this delicacy of hunter camouflage orange noodles since my childhood. Practically lived off the stuff during
college when three boxes could be had for under a dollar. Have seen it ladled into hundreds of bowls for
finicky toddlers, Mac and Cheese the only thing they’d eat in their oh so picky
pre-K years.
But now for some bad news….
After a vigorous two year campaign to force Kraft Foods to
remove artificial preservatives and synthetic colors from their Mac and Cheese,
the company has relented. Very soon I, and maybe you too, and millions of
others who consume this comfort food in secret (admit it), whose color was once
named “as unnaturally orange as a nuclear dawn”: we’ll bid adieu to this food. No longer shaded in a color unheard of in
nature, I suppose the “new and improved” Mac and Cheese will be some tepid
yellow color, maybe beige or off white, healthier for sure, but it just won’t
be the same.
A food blogger, a “foodie” extraordinaire, Vani Harri, who also
goes by the moniker “Food Babe”, led the charge to slay the mighty dragon which
is Kraft. For the past two years Harri
captained an online anti Mac and Cheese battle, collecting 350,000 signatures
in a petition. Last week she declared victory in a breathless tone usually
reserved for the end of a war. A real
war. “The thousands of letters I have
received from parents whose children have benefited from the removal of
artificial food dyes are ringing in my ear this morning,” she wrote. “We finally did it.”
Me? I’m going to miss my old Mac and Cheese. My head knows
that processed foods, though convenient and cheap, are not so good for me: for my
weight or cholesterol or vitamin intake. I know I should be snacking on rice
cakes rather than Cheddar Cheese Combos, drinking Vitamin Water and not Fresca
diet soda, but I’m just not strong enough I suppose. Not foodie enough. So my nostalgic food heart, my comfort food
heart: it’s kind of broken today.
Yes, I risk sounding as stale as months old Wonder Bread in expressing
mystification at the foodies, who so dominate the world of eating today. Who eat uber “healthy” treats like kale chips
and unpasteurized milk. Who have the
commitment and talent to make fresh meals from scratch while I scramble to grab something
to eat, sometimes from a can, after a long day (and often night) at work. I flip straight through the Food Channel when
TV surfing, skip the Iron Chef, and prefer a roadside diner to a downtown
bistro any day.
In fact I grew up eating what today would be no doubt
labeled as “unhealthy”, maybe even dangerous.
Kool Aid on hot summer days. Captain
Crunch cereal floating in a bowl of whole milk. Velveeta Cheese melted over
toast. Fish sticks, which probably
didn’t really have much fish in them.
Canned Heinz Beans and bright red Oscar Mayer dogs and B&M brown
bread in a can (that’s right, a can) as a special treat.
It may not be kosher or cool or current or have any cachet to admit that
I still sometimes have a hankering for all that “bad” food. But I can’t help it. Sorry Food Babe.
So when you see me in the supermarket aisle in the next few
months, don’t be alarmed if my arms are stacked high with soon to be
discontinued boxes of old fashioned Kraft Mac and Cheese. The good news is that
with all those pseudo ingredients, it’ll store in my pantry for many years to
come.
And yes: you’re welcome to come over for dinner too.
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