Me.
Years ago when I was in my early twenties, just entering
adulthood, I had an incredibly annoying and self-revealing habit, one I was
oblivious to. One that made me not the most fun of people to have around the
dinner table or at a cocktail party or in any group conversation. It was a nervous unconscious social tick that
caused me, out of insecurity, fear and ego, to make almost every conversation I
participated in, about, well....me.
Me.
So someone at the table would bring up a random topic: the
Red Sox, the weather, a funny story, and I inevitably would jump right into
that social interaction, compelled to offer some personal tidbit, and all to
make what they had just said, about me. To bring the focus back on me. They
went to a Sox game. I bragged about what great seats I had last month. They talked about a dentist appointment. I shared
a dramatic tale of a recent root canal.
They talked of a wicked rainstorm. I regaled listeners with how I once survived
a tornado!
Thank goodness that one day my older brother pulled me aside
and gently pointed out just what I was doing.
"You'd don't have always make it about you, John." It was some of the best life advice I ever
received and so since that day I've tried my best (not always successfully and
not by a long shot) to remember that in my life, that in this life: it is not
always about me.
Me.
Like when I sit in a long line of traffic and fume about how
all these people are making me, ME, so darn late and then my car slowly
rolls by a serious accident that caused the slow down, and I'm embarrassed, and
I remember. It's not always about me. Or
I rush into the grocery store to pick up a last minute item and I blow right by
an old woman with a walker, struggling to make her way forward, and neglect to
hold the door open for her. Nice job Mr. ME! Or the time at a party I offered
some thoughtless gossip about a person and then realized that he was standing
right behind me.
Me.
We are living in times when the culture certainly provides
many outlets for the temptation to make this life all about "me", about
"I", about "myself".
On Facebook where it is so tempting to present to the world a carefully
curated view of life, how great, how awesome, how blessed we feel. There's even
a phrase for it: the humble brag. If
only I were brave enough to show the real me: post a photo of first thing in the morning, my hair
all astray like Larry from the Three Stooges, face all puffy from sleep. Now that's the real me! Or on Twitter. Last
weekend one of our elected national leaders posted a self righteous tweet
weighing in on the controversial results from Saturday's Kentucky Derby, how
absolutely sure he was that the outcome was dead wrong. All I could think was,
"Does this person actually believe that folks really care about what his
uninformed opinion is about horse racing?" Guess what? He does!
And I think about all of the commencement addresses that
will be offered in the weeks ahead and how so many of those speeches will be all
about extolling just how great the grads are, how life is about finding your own dreams, fulfilling what you want above all else, oh the places
you'll go! True: the young need to be
self focused at this time in life. I know I was when I graduated and yet....a
balance needs to be struck. A reminder that the best life is never, ever about
just "me". That a good life in the deepest sense involves other
people, always. That when we rise in this life we most often do so because of
how others have helped us: parents and teachers, sibling and friends, coaches
and mentors.
One of the greatest gifts I've received from my life long
faith is this consistent wisdom: I am to love God, love neighbor and love
self. It takes all three loves. If I
love self alone to the exclusion of God or others, that's a sad life. A lonely
life. A little life. The song is
correct: one is the loneliest number and perhaps even , "me" might be
the loneliest word.
So thank God a wise soul had the grace to tell me: it's not
about me. It's about us. It's about a power so much greater than ourselves
alone, one that holds all of life together.
Me? Yes. And thee. And we, too.
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