Abomination (noun) 1. Anything greatly disliked or abhorred 2. Intense aversion or loathing
--Dictionary.com
Who drinks this stuff? That’s what I’d like to know.
Who imbibes this frothy, saccharine concoction, that every year about this time, rears its ugly head and returns to haunt the biggest coffee store chain in the country, like some ghost risen from the dead? I know it’s not me chugging down this $5.50 java Frankenstein, a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and pureed pumpkin. The original version, with whipped cream, includes the equivalent of seven and a half teaspoons of sugar (50 percent of our daily requirement) and clocks in at about 450 calories. Five cups and I’ve got all the calories I need for the day.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Pumpkin Spice Latte is back. Oh, the humanity….
Okay, I confess I’m a bit over the top in my protest of this seasonal drink, first invented (or spawned) in 2003 by Starbucks, that in the years since, according to one estimate, has sold more than 200 million cups. There is no doubt that Starbucks hit the jackpot when it decided to roll out this Halloweenish treat. When Starbucks employee Peter Dukes invented the “PSL” eighteen years ago, according to a recent interview, he came up with this drink by pouring an expresso right over a real pumpkin pie, then I suppose, I don’t know--slurped it up?
Yes, there is the fact that until 2015, it didn’t actually contain any pumpkin. There is the reality the PSL birthed a new food industry trend, creating holiday themed specialty treats. So, I suppose we could indirectly blame Starbucks for all the other items we can also purchase for our pumpkin flavored kick. Pumpkin Cheerios. Pumpkin Chobani Yogurt. Pumpkin bagels. Pumpkin Coffeemate—make your PSL at home! And my personal favorite: Pumpkin Spice Twinkies.
You say you still thinks me doth protest too much?
I actually agree. When it came time to write this week’s column, I confess that by deadline time I was worried at the prospect of writing another “heavy” essay. There is so, so much happening in our crazy and complicated world right now. COVID that stays like an unwanted guest. The federal government threatened with a shutdown because Congress has the maturity level of tantrum throwing toddlers in a sandbox. P’oed people upset because they either have to get the vaccine to stay employed, or others vexed because they’ve already been vaxxed and can’t tolerate the shot averse. And, of course, the Red Sox are doing their best version of morphing into the Manilla Folders.
What isn’t totally whacked or totally frustrating in our current high temperature world?
Thus, the PSL is a harmless and convenient target to attack and go on a rant about. I’ve tasted one and truth be told they are not that bad. There is something within me that cannot justify spending almost $6 on a cup of coffee. My thrifty (read “cheap”) Irish forbears would roll over in their graves at such an extravagance. Truth is we all have our food indulgences, things we enjoy that many others just do not get from a palate perspective. There is my friend who puts ketchup on his hot dog and swears by it. Other chums of mine just cannot get enough kale in their diet. Me? At 60 years old I still love bologna. Yes, bologna. My bologna has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R!
Whoops. Got a bit off track there.
I think I will just make peace with PSL. If it tastes good, drink it, I suppose. To each his or her own when it comes to taste. If hundreds of millions of dollars are spent by tens of millions of my fellow Americans on PSLs come this October, and if it brings them joy or reminds them of Grandma’s pumpkin pie, or if this little treat breaks up a boring workday or a long commute, or makes a Zoom meeting tolerable, so be it. More power to you.
God knows that these days we all need something, anything, to distract us, if only for a little while, from the intensity that is life in 2021. We probably won’t be serving PSL at coffee hour or the next potluck supper my church hosts, but feel free to bring your own if you come. Anything that soothes the spirit and tickles the tastes buds is a gift right now.
Happy Halloween! Happy Pumpkin Spice Latte! But still, I’ll just stick with a medium hot, dark roast, two creams, one sugar.
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