Civility Explained. Don't Be a Jerk. Please.

 

"Civility is not a tactic or a sentiment. It is the determined choice of trust over cynicism, of community over chaos.” --President George W. Bush

It’s the kind of current event you might have easily missed in the intensity of the news cycle. With war raging in Ukraine and a state of the union speech and baseball on strike and the usual cultural chatter, I’d have overlooked it too if I hadn’t seen the video for myself.

Wednesday, March 2.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was participating in a low key, typical news conference, his extolling the virtues of a state funded cybersecurity education initiative.  DeSantis walked up to a podium while the cameras rolled. Behind him stood seven high school students, all masked up.  The gathering was at the University of Florida at Tampa in Hillsborough County, an area the CDC considers high risk for COVID, and still recommends indoor masking.

DeSantis noticed the youth were wearing face coverings, turned, and faced them, his back now to the camera, and then began to lecture/harangue/berate those young people. All depends I suppose on how you hear what he said.  And this is what he said. “You do not have to wear those masks. I mean, please take them off. Honestly, it’s not doing anything. We’ve got to stop with this COVID theater. So, if you wanna wear it, fine, but this is ridiculous.” And then he turned back around, let out an audible sigh and with a scowl on his face finally began the briefing.

Meanwhile behind him the students looked awkward and embarrassed. They smiled uncomfortably and squirmed. Some removed their masks. Others stood pat.  It was an absolute cringeworthy moment.  An impatient and petulant adult telling kids that they are dupes or clueless or even “theatrical” in taking their precautions. As one of the boys, high school freshman and 14-year-old Kevin Brown Jr. said of DeSantis’ behavior, “I was a little bit surprised at his tone.” Brown wore the mask because he was surrounded by many unmasked people and is still worried about getting COVID. Brown’s Dad, Kevin Brown Sr. was blunter in his assessment of the Governor going off on his son and the others. In his view DeSantis should, “stop bullying kids.”

A side note: if the Governor had been a Democrat and not a Republican I still would have written about his rude and childish behavior. This is not about ideology or politics or debating public health policy. It is instead an example of the rampant and unchecked incivility that is becoming the norm in our world, especially among our so called “leaders.”  Like when the President of the United States is caught on a “hot” mike saying of a reporter, who asked a fair question at a gathering, “What a stupid son of a _____!” Or when his press secretary sarcastically mocked another reporter for suggesting the administration should send COVID test kits to every American.

Yes, this lack of civility is bipartisan. 

A boor is a boor, regardless of what side of the aisle they claim as home. What kind of leader, what kind of “adult” shames a kid for taking care of themselves or insults a reporter for just doing their job? Oh, let’s not forget about the two Congresswomen who stood up at the state of the union speech and heckled the President at the exact moment in his speech he was talking about the death of his son Beau from brain cancer.

I know some might judge my criticism of DeSantis and other impolitic politicians as overly nit-picky or just over the top.  What’s the matter with a little temper tantrum, right? Lighten up! Those kids aren’t snowflakes—they can take it. And he is the Governor after all. Who knows? Maybe he had a long day. Maybe he was “hangry,” or his pants were too tight. Got up on the wrong side of the bed. 

I won’t give him that benefit of the doubt. Won’t give any public servant or elected official slack on this question of civility in government and governing. Remember what your mother taught you? If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. If only that were the rule in the halls of government.

Civility is not just about being polite though politeness absolutely matters. Civility is the social glue that holds together a society. Civility allows opponents to disagree while not being disagreeable. Civility is about taking the high road and not going in for a low punch. Civility is about kindness and respect: the golden rule. Treating others as you’d like to be treated.

Not much to ask.

And in these days when everyone is on edge or has some reason to be cranky, we need the leaders among us to set a good example of patience and yes, love for others. Doesn’t seem like too much to ask.              

Listen to your mother. She was right. Civility is the civil thing to do.