“Bad temper is its own safety valve. He who can bark does not bite.” --Agatha Christie
Some advice: don’t drive cranky. If it can be avoided, don’t do anything else cranky either. But especially the driving cranky part.
To explain--last weekend I was behind the wheel of my almost brand-new car, one I enjoy more than any other vehicle I’ve ever owned. Since I purchased it two years ago, I have been very, VERY careful with it. No tailgating. No tight parking spaces where someone can “ding” my door. Always garaged at the first sign of snow. I’ve babied it in the hopes of making it look good for as long as possible and to last as long as possible too.
Back to that doomed drive. Someone I was doing business with did not come through, did not keep up their end of the bargain. His failure to meet what I perceived to be my oh so important desire; it so angered me that without thinking, I got in my car, and did the quickest U-turn ever, so fast that I failed to see a pile of dirt and rocks in my path and my car slammed right into that debris, smashing in my front bumper.
OUCH!
I didn’t realize the damage until later, when I noticed the front lower bumper was warped and twisted, that large scratches marked its exterior and that it had been pushed in by a good two inches. Oh, and that business transaction gone bad? Within minutes of my ill fated auto exit, that merchant had reached out to me to apologize and came through, even throwing in a bit extra as an apology of sorts.
Making my anger pretty stupid, a waste of my spirit and resulting in only one thing. Damage. To my car. To my psyche. To my ego. And all for nothing. But that is how it is with such anger and crankiness, at least most of the time when I express it. My angry response is often way out of proportion to what has happened. My anger makes me look at the world in a warped way, through the eyes of victimhood as in “WHY ME!?” It makes me focus on what I don’t have rather than remember what I do have, how blessed I am this life if only I’d pay attention. My anger separates me: from the best part of myself, from others in my life and finally from God.
But my anger also reminds me that I am only human. That everyone gets vexed at times: is cranky, ornery, irritated, irate, even outraged and I think especially in these emotionally heavy times that we are living in. There is so much to weigh down upon us in 2022—everything from the war in Ukraine to the latest threatening COVID variant. Crankiness is pretty widespread among the populace these days.
From anger at a clerk who hasn’t served us fast enough (it’s not their fault the store is understaffed), to umbrage at school committee members (folks who volunteer for the common good!), crankiness is rampant. Anger on airplanes. Incivility among lawmakers. Vexation in the family around the dinner table. And yes, getting behind the wheel and driving angry.
It’s not that our anger is always misplaced or wrong. There are a lot of things going on right now that are high stress and high pressure and so it makes sense in a way that more of us are in foul moods or feeling at the end of our ropes. There is injustice to protest and wrongs we want to right. When anger is channeled constructively and expressed non-violently, it both acts as an emotional safety valve and can lead to change for the good.
It's the unconstructive, violent, and selfish anger that worries me. Anger that in fact masks other emotions, like our sadness, grief, or fear. Anger at the state of the world: getting mad is much easier than feeling heartache at how the world is right now. Anger at another person for their “faults” is much more tempting than to honestly look at our own faults.
Anger takes its toll.
In really angry driving: across the United States automobile accidents and fatalities are spiking back up after years of decline. Drug overdose and alcohol related deaths are at all time highs as well, so much of that being about folks seeking to soothe their roiled emotions and broken hearts with mind altering substances. Long term anger hurts the body, causes high blood pressure, and strains the heart. And of course, anger expressed in violence is the worst anger of all. What is a war finally, than anger expressed at the national level? Anger of one people against another people.
Whew!
Thank goodness that my faith teaches me ways to temper my anger, to tame it, even to transform it into something positive. Anger fades when I remember I am doing my best right now and so is almost everyone else. Anger cools when I realize how selfish it can be, putting myself at the center of all things in the universe. Maybe what I want is not the most important thing right now. Anger channeled into action empowers me to work for justice, for the best for my fellow children of God. Anger offered up in prayer teaches me that there is a power so much bigger than myself holding everything together. It’s not my job to be in charge of everything.
I probably won’t get my car bumper fixed right away. When I look at it, may it teach me the price of anger and the cost of crankiness.
Have a mellow week.
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