December Stress and Blues? Give Yourself Some Grace

"Haul out the holly, Put up the tree before my spirit falls again, Fill up the stocking, I may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now. For we need a little Christmas, right this very minute. YES, WE NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" --from the musical “Mame,”1966, by Jerry Herman

Christmas is coming fast and coming soon and there is nothing we can do about it. Hannukah as well, along with the other holidays and holy days and traditions and rituals that fall at this time of year.  Ten days and counting as of today.  So, here’s a little prayer for all of us as we move towards, and then through, the 25^th and beyond, right into 2023.

Give yourself a break. Give your neighbor a break. Give your kids and your spouse or significant other and your aging parents a break. Give them some slack and grace. Yes, even for your pain in the butt Uncle Pete, who can always be counted on to say something incredibly inappropriate at the dinner table in between sips of spiked eggnog.

I say give all of us a break because of what is usually not said but is very often experienced by lots of people this time of year. You. Me. Everyone at some point in their life. We get the holiday blues. Holy day downheartedness. Christmas crankiness. New Year’s numbness. Basically, we experience a psychic and spiritual disconnect from all the bright lights and frantic shopping and major partying that marks the twelfth month. 

The culture yells, “WE NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS NOW!” But for many, all they really want is a tinsel timeout. And to be given a break.  

The opposite is true as well. In good times, our spirits can connect completely with the expectations of holiday cheer. I remember a December when I was newly in love, so smitten with my girlfriend. I was walking on air and absolutely LOVING Christmas. Having a new baby or a toddler or kids around come the holidays is often great fun. The years my young nieces rushed down the stairs on Christmas morning to look at the tree and gifts and wake up Uncle John who was fast asleep on the couch. That was priceless. Such precious memories.

Good? Bad? Meh?

It is hard to predict just how we will feel come December. Depends on where things are at in our lives, I suppose. What the last year was like. Who we lost from our lives. New family we might have inherited. A job secured or a job lost. Health stuff. But whatever we are feeling right now—melancholy or merriment, happiness or harassed—one thing is for sure. December always magnifies and sharpens wherever we find ourselves emotionally.

ALWAYS.

So, if you are missing someone who died and won’t be around the holiday table, this year might be very tough. I will be thinking of my aunt and uncle come the 25^th. For almost twenty years they welcomed me into their Florida home for a week of blessed R&R right after Christmas. Both of them are now gone, so I will be staying up north in 2022. And boy do I feel the absence of those loved ones.

When we lose someone or a relationship or our kids can’t home or we are ill, the holiday season can be a struggle. And that is ok. There is no rule book that says we are required to be filled with Christmas cheer and must fa-la-la-la-la all the way to January 2^nd. Do what you need to do to get through. Have a good cry. Tell stories about the people who are absent. Watch a cheesy Christmas movie—there are only about 10,000 of them streaming right now! Pray and fall back into your religious tradition for hope and comfort.  Drink a lot of eggnog. Whatever it takes.

Just take good care of yourself.

If you are on the other side of the Christmas blues and joyfully sailing through this season, then watch out for those who might need a little more TLC. Then take their hand and take them into your heart and love them and walk with them. Invite them to dinner. Give them a surprise gift. Listen to them and really pay attention. They will be so grateful. There is a lot of Godly grace to be found in the holidays if only we look for it and if only we offer it to others.

Christmas is coming, of that, I am sure. May the power that holds together all of the universe and holds together all of our human dreams and struggles…may that God bless you every day in the season ahead. And remember….

Give yourself a break. Others too. Even Uncle Pete.

The Reverend John F. Hudson is Senior Pastor of the Pilgrim Church, United Church of Christ, in Sherborn, Massachusetts (pilgrimsherborn.org). He blogs at sherbornpastor.blogspot.com and is a resident scholar at the Collegeville Institute at Saint John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota. For twenty-five years he was a columnist whose essays appeared in newspapers throughout Massachusetts and Rhode Island. He has served churches in New England since 1989. For comments, please be in touch: pastorjohn@pilgrimsherborn.org.